June 10 – Not Done Yet

I’ve been feeling so stuck in my journey, my virtual travel adventure, my healthy exercise playtime.  If I can’t exercise enough to make virtual travel mileage, I can’t continue my online explorations & blogging.  I don’t want my medical recovery to take over all of my time & energy & mental exertions either.  

My journey feels stymied.  Dead in the water. 

I keep thinking about the scene in Monty Python & the Holy Grail in which the plague dead are being carted away, but one man insists that he’s not dead & not yet ready to go.  He’s probably near death, but in his efforts to stay with the living he declares more & more healthy optimism.

[excerpted] 

The Dead Collector:  Bring out yer dead.

[a man puts a body on the cart]

Large Man with Dead Body:  Here's one.

The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't:  I'm not dead.

The Dead Collector:  What?

The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't:  I'm not dead.

The Dead Collector:  'Ere, he says he's not dead.

Large Man with Dead Body:  Yes he is.

The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't:  I'm not.

The Dead Collector:  He isn't.

Large Man with Dead Body:  Well, he will be soon, he's very ill.

The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't:  I'm getting better.

Large Man with Dead Body:  No you're not, you'll be stone dead in a moment.

The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't:  I don't want to go on the cart.

Large Man with Dead Body:  Oh, don't be such a baby.

The Dead Collector:  I can't take him.

The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't:  I feel fine.

Large Man with Dead Body:  Well, can you hang around for a couple of minutes? He won't be long.

The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't:  I think I'll go for a walk.

Large Man with Dead Body:  You're not fooling anyone, you know.

The Dead Body That Claims It Isn't:  I feel happy. I feel happy.

It’s a ridiculous scene, and it doesn’t end well for the sick man, but I sometimes feel myself putting on this kind of song & dance act for the doctors, saying “Don’t write me off.”  Don’t throw me into the category of Invalid Patient with nothing left to do but nurse myself along from treatment to checkup.

A good friend reminds me that I have dealt with earlier tribulations by finding creative & subversive ways around obstacles.  I am definitely taking care of myself medically & emotionally, but I’m also looking for ways to move forward in my projects. 

So, I am working on my historical research, even if I don’t post every day.  I am cycling again, even if it’s not every day yet, and even if it’s just one or two miles at a time.  As soon as I’ve completed 15 miles, I’ll be able to resume my virtual travel exploration.  That curiosity & exploration is what makes me feel alive & can pull me forward.